Lady Coat

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It's 2am and I'm not sleepy. My mind is full of good things, pixie dust thoughts. Beside me Tina is sleeping, her legs tangled in the sheets, her breathing steady and comforting. I'm careful not to wake her, because if she knows I'm up she will spring to attention, ready to slay any dragon who threatens to attack me, whether real or imagined. And she needs to rest.

I remember when we first met and we lived apart, she in Colorado, me in Charlotte. One evening I was walking through the mall and we were talking on the phone. A gorgeous plaid winter coat in the Gap window caught my eye and I looked at it longingly. I was a single mom with three kids, and let's face it, a new coat for me was low on the priority list. Damn, it wasn't even a Gap outlet! But Tina made me walk in and try it on, told me to do it for her and send her a pic, well, hell, how could I say no to that. It felt so lovely on, it fit perfectly and made me feel like a lady. After twirling in the mirror and giggling, I took it off and left the store. Probably to get a pretzel, which is always high on the priority list.

Well, to my surprise, the next day I get a package delivered to my door. I open it and GASP it's the coat!! My lovely coat. My sneaky girl was looking it up online the same time I was trying it on and ordering it for me. We quickly named it my Lady Coat and I don't think I took it off for weeks.



Thinking about that coat makes me nostalgic for those early days, when we tiptoed around each other - strangers, really - speaking a different dialect of the same language. What I am not nostalgic for is how horrible I was to Tina in the beginning, how I tested her and tried her, how my own fear and insecurity kept me from accepting her unconditional love. Oh I was bad. Very very bad.

Hours later, Tina and I are moving about town, running errands. We are flirting and sharing in the comfortable intimate way we have - now that we speak the same dialect of the language of Love. Suddenly I stop and turn to her with tears in my eyes: "Oh baby, remember HOW AWFUL I WAS TO YOU?", I say. And without missing a beat that amazing woman reaches for me, takes me in her arms and says "Oh sweetie, you were just learning to Trust. I knew that then, and I know that now." And her love, like that Gap coat, still feels so lovely on, still fits perfectly and still makes me feel like a lady.