It gets better...hell to the f*#k yeah, it does!!

I am so friggin proud of my community today!!! We are banding together as a national group and raising our Vibrational Energy to create a world of hope, a world where we can marry, adopt, love openly, serve our country without fear, work where we want, live where we want, AND NEVER EVER LOSE ONE OF OUR OWN to bullying! Today we came together, clothed in purple solidarity. DEMANDING OUR RIGHTS. Damn, it feels good.

We have more work to do, Community. We have to stay united, hold each others hands and CHANGE OUR UNIVERSE! (One Polo shirt at a time???)



Here's my personal loving community:

So blessed to have 'em in our life!

And one of all of us (minus a few little ones):


I could go on and on and on about this subject, but I'm too excited to sit still right now...
HAPPY PURPLE WEARING PRIDE DAY, um, WEEK, um, YEAR, um FOREVER!!

"My wife made me join a bridge club, I jump off next Tuesday"~Rodney Dangerfield

So I'm wondering if Tuesdays are given the attention they deserve. They are, after all, nestled quietly between the malicious Monday and the ever-so-popular Hump Day Wednesday. And, sure, we've got Fat Tuesday, and the lovely actress Tuesday Weld, and Super Tuesday primaries and Two-fer Tuesday happy hours, but honestly, doesn't Tuesday get ignored too often? No one posts TGIT as their facebook status, and there are no posters of little kitties banging their paws on their desks declaring "I hate Tuesdays". Sure, we've got Tuesdays with Morrie, and the store Tuesday Morning and Gap gives an extra 10 percent off on Tuesdays, but is it enough??

Here's a pic of cute Tuesday Weld:

Here's a pic of Sandra Brown's Fat Tuesday:
Here's a pic of Dr. Phil telling me I'm fat on a Tuesday:
Ok back to topic...I'm so easily distracted.

I am declaring today to be Terrific Tina Tuesday. And no, it's not just an excuse to bake celebratory brownies. An excuse for fresh baked fudgie goodness is never needed. Tina is pretty damn terrific every day, but Tuesday will henceforth be her day. We will make Tina Tacos for dinner and Tina Twinkies for dessert. No not really, we're gonna have veggie burgers, but we will call them Tina Tacos. Yes. That.

Today I was organizing our paperwork, and I found a book of love stuff I made for Tina on Valentines day of 2009. Here's one page I wrote:

Things You've Taught Me:
Being married is good...I am worthy of love...pickles should be bought in big jars...it's ok to be scared...tubs are meant to be shared...coparenting is easy...a heating pad, 800mgs of Motrin and your smile can cure any ouchie...I AM worthy of love...joint checking accounts really aren't that scary...things look nice when they are ironed, even better when they are starched...you sew a mean Halloween costume...books are better when chosen with love...and there is nothing better than having a lover who is also my best friend.

Happy Terrific Tina Tuesday!!

Down at Frazzle Rock

Woke up frazzled, and outta sorts and completely uncentered. Tina says I was restless in my sleep, and all I remember is chaotic dreams. Ugh. Not a fun way to begin the day, let alone the week.

A few years ago I had a breakdown, and I remember asking my therapist if I'd ever feel better. He looked at me and smiled and said "Oh yes, Erika, think of the depression as a train, right now you feel like you're on the tracks and the train is about to run over you and you can't move. But one day, you will hear the train approaching and you will step back and let it pass."

Today I heard the train, and hell if I was gonna let it run me over. Oh no. So I loaded the babies in the car, and headed to Books A Million for a pumpkin latte and some I.N.S.P.I.R.A.T.I.O.N. We thumbed through glossy coffee table books about post-impressionism, read the first chapter of the new Rick Riordin book (oh, we've been waiting for this one), Annah flipped through Girls Life, Micah read a graphic novel and I read some Louise Hay. A while later I am inspired and energized. Ready to tackle paper revisions and fossil study and quiche making. The train has passed.

I am currently reading The Art of Power by Trich Nhat Hanh and the message I'm getting is to remain centered in the moment, not concerned with the future, nor the past. So Frazzle Rock is now past and I'm completely in THIS moment. Centered. Focused. Alive. This is huge for me, as days of frazzle have in the past turned into weeks of frazzle. Could it be my therapist was right??

Here's what I looked like Before:

And here's the After:


Just kidding, but how cute is Meg Ryan?

SAHM, WIHM, MILF, WTF??

I am now an official SAHM. Yep, got the membership card and everything. Ok, no card but I am a Stay At Home Mom and this makes me very very happy. We are feminists, my college degree is in Women's Studies, and we are huge champions for women's rights, believing that women should live the life thats right for her. For us, that life includes me staying at home to raise and teach our children. Before Tina, as a single mom, it was impossible for me to not work outside the home. Them durn kids and their need for food. Ive always homeschooled them, and took jobs where I'd have weekdays free. Then I forgot myself, got career minded and let the sixty hour work weeks and stress stress stress burn me out. Sure, I made good money, had some fun perks, but I was M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E. Thank God for Tina, she made me remember the path that's right for me.

About a year ago, Tina and I decided that it was time to live a very simple life. We've always shared the same core beliefs about family, and living simply. We joke that we are one step away from becoming Amish. I think it's that whole No Gays Allowed thing that keeps us from joining. Anyway, we paid off some debt, moved from a house to an apartment, and started working toward a life that works for us. AND THAT MEANS I NOW GET TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOMMY!! Yay. We watch every dollar carefully, no cable, only one car, no Starbucks, no eating out, but it's a choice that works for us. We are closer as a couple, closer as a family, closer to our friends and we feel more fulfilled.

Annah teases me because I'm so gung ho! She calls me her Work Inside the House Mom (WIHM)! Yesterday she told me that I am such a 50's housewife cooking in my apron and high heels! Tis true, but in my defense, the heels make me taller and that helps me reach things high in the cupboards. Yeah, that's it.

Here's what Tina thinks I look like:
Here's what I really look like:

Sigh.

I am baking our own bread, I'm cooking healthy food from scratch, my days are spent teaching our children ancient history, and algebra, and how to read Shakespeare. We play lots of Scrabble and our Uno marathons are known to get heated. I use my crockpot. Alot.


Now, I know this life may sound horrible to some people, and that is ok. Whatever blows your skirt up, I say!


Gotta run, my gelatin has molded...

Lady Coat

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It's 2am and I'm not sleepy. My mind is full of good things, pixie dust thoughts. Beside me Tina is sleeping, her legs tangled in the sheets, her breathing steady and comforting. I'm careful not to wake her, because if she knows I'm up she will spring to attention, ready to slay any dragon who threatens to attack me, whether real or imagined. And she needs to rest.

I remember when we first met and we lived apart, she in Colorado, me in Charlotte. One evening I was walking through the mall and we were talking on the phone. A gorgeous plaid winter coat in the Gap window caught my eye and I looked at it longingly. I was a single mom with three kids, and let's face it, a new coat for me was low on the priority list. Damn, it wasn't even a Gap outlet! But Tina made me walk in and try it on, told me to do it for her and send her a pic, well, hell, how could I say no to that. It felt so lovely on, it fit perfectly and made me feel like a lady. After twirling in the mirror and giggling, I took it off and left the store. Probably to get a pretzel, which is always high on the priority list.

Well, to my surprise, the next day I get a package delivered to my door. I open it and GASP it's the coat!! My lovely coat. My sneaky girl was looking it up online the same time I was trying it on and ordering it for me. We quickly named it my Lady Coat and I don't think I took it off for weeks.



Thinking about that coat makes me nostalgic for those early days, when we tiptoed around each other - strangers, really - speaking a different dialect of the same language. What I am not nostalgic for is how horrible I was to Tina in the beginning, how I tested her and tried her, how my own fear and insecurity kept me from accepting her unconditional love. Oh I was bad. Very very bad.

Hours later, Tina and I are moving about town, running errands. We are flirting and sharing in the comfortable intimate way we have - now that we speak the same dialect of the language of Love. Suddenly I stop and turn to her with tears in my eyes: "Oh baby, remember HOW AWFUL I WAS TO YOU?", I say. And without missing a beat that amazing woman reaches for me, takes me in her arms and says "Oh sweetie, you were just learning to Trust. I knew that then, and I know that now." And her love, like that Gap coat, still feels so lovely on, still fits perfectly and still makes me feel like a lady.

I create Miracles!

So last night I medicated myself with half a bottle of Magic Shell caramel topping, you know, that stuff that hardens both vanilla bean ice cream AND arteries?? I was feeling gloomy and uninspired. After the ice cream ran out, you'd think I woulda stopped, but no, oh no, I can improvise like no other. I discovered that if you pour the Magic Shell onto a tablespoon and then pop it in the freezer, it hardens beautifully and the binge can continue. Half an hour later, lulled into a sugar and corn oil stupor, I plopped myself down on the bed fully realizing that I'd better do something fast or I was gonna decend into Depressionland, and that is NEVER a fun journey.

A few years ago I discovered www.vitalaffirmations.com, a site that provides affirmation 'cards' that can be shuffled and drawn. I love this site and it is delightfully eerie how the card that comes up corresponds to whatever lesson Spirit is choosing to teach me...and damn if there doesn't seem to be a lesson every day. So I wipe off the excess crispy caramel shell from my fingers and pull up the site feeling kinda sheepish, like when Lily the dog chews a library book and then brings it to me, knowing she's a bad bad girl.

Now wouldn't you know that last night I drew this card: "I am creating MIRACLES." Yippee! (sarcasm implied) I am a miracle creator, not just a sandwich with Miracle Whip creator. (A comedian I am not, apparantly)

Of course, last night, I didn't wanna hear that shit. I wanted to be coddled and babied by my sweet sweet Tina and I did NOT want to do any spiritual work. So I ignored said card, and pouted to Tina and fell asleep in her warm and safe arms.
But dear loving Spirit wasn't gonna take no for an answer, and all night I had magical dreams and peaceful manifestations and joyful impressions and I woke up H.A.P.P.Y! Now,I wrestle with depression, and too often I wake up paralyzed with guilt and grief, wanting to hide from the world, so imagine my delight at feeling something other fear, especially after the binge night I had...Talk about a friggin Miracle.

Then it hit me. I create Miracles DESPITE myself. Spirit is so powerful, that it overrides my self destructive ways! I create Miracles. I am Powerful even if I fall, or ignore Spirit, or make crappy choices. I am E.M.P.O.W.E.R.E.D! PS..I have decided that these flower shoes are my new Miracle Stillettos. I shall wear them as I create Miracles!

BTW, above Crazy Girl Leprechaun photo is from one of Lee and Tree's awesome soirees. I'm a March baby so I got to be part of the birthday cake celebration. I think this captures my love/hate with food perfectly! I haven't been allowed to hold a knife since.

Goodbye Mr. Chunk

So it's been a bit since I've posted. Which means I have lots to say. Me and Funny Girl are now officially engaged. Yay. As soon as I can figure out how to post links, I will post the video that my sweet friend Dawn aka Black shot. It was the best night of my life...
Ok how fun was it to see my big fat butt in the video! So much fun, if by fun I mean watching this lecture on the Impressionists. (lol, thats for Micah and Annah cuz they are sitting here glossy eyed learning about Degas) Ok, back to My Chunk. Sigh. Coco, Annie, ( my roaddogs) and I are now in what shall henceforth be referred to as Operation Thin Parkour....Don't ask. I'll explain the Parkour reference another time....Anyhoo...We are bound and determined to look goooood at the wedding...so I've been getting up and walking at the mall with Micah and Annah...figure I'll start with walking and then move into other stuff...well day 2 and I am sore. Ugh. Sore but determined.